Vol. 1, No. 22Wednesday, November 11, 2026Not a real newspaper

The 401(k) Liar

America's Least Trusted Source for Retirement Plan News

The Distribution Edition

Breaking · Distribution

Five Star Fund Company Expands Brand Presence to 23 Water Hazards

Advisors with the highest handicaps now credited as firm’s top producers

Talbot conducts a quarterly review of Five Star’s growing footprint.AI-generated satirical photo illustration

Five Star Fund Company regional vice president Craig Talbot reported a substantial increase in brand visibility Wednesday after advisors lost 517 company-branded golf balls at some of the country’s most exclusive private clubs.

“These are places you can’t just walk into and start handing out literature,” Talbot said. “We’ve established a presence.”

Talbot’s quarterly marketing report showed Five Star in 23 water hazards, 41 wooded areas and the grounds of several homes overlooking the sixth fairway. He credited a small group of advisors with doing most of the work.

“Some of these guys are getting our name out there six, seven times a round,” he said. “And then they’re asking how they can get more involved.”

Talbot said the campaign continued working long after the original client event. An advisor searching the rough for his own ball might find a Five Star ball instead, play it, and introduce the firm to an entirely new foursome, sometimes on the same hole.

“That’s organic distribution,” he said. “We’re not even there.”

At a steak dinner following his latest outing, Talbot said several advisors had described Five Star as their preferred provider.

“I don’t even buy my own anymore,” one told him.

Talbot entered the comment in his quarterly report under “Displaced Competitor.”


Around the Industry

Advisor Marketing

Plan Sponsor Hires Advisor Whose Name Keeps Turning Up in Woods

Kessling prepares another referral.AI-generated satirical photo illustration

Plumbing company owner Ed Kowalski selected Brent Kessling as his firm’s retirement plan advisor Wednesday after finding the advisor’s name and phone number on eleven golf balls over three weekends.

“I started noticing him everywhere,” Kowalski said. “You want somebody established.”

Kessling, who writes his contact information beneath the Five Star Fund Company logo on every complimentary ball he receives, said referrals now account for most of his new business.

“I don’t buy lists,” he said. “People reach out when they have a need.”

Kowalski said he had initially planned to interview three firms but felt Kessling had already demonstrated an understanding of his priorities.

“He’s saved me about $180 this season,” Kowalski said. “The other advisors just talked about reducing costs.”

Kessling thanked Five Star regional vice president Craig Talbot for his continued support and requested another four dozen.

Benefits · Participant Choice

Employee Requests Employer Match at O’Malley’s

Warehouse supervisor Dennis Pruitt welcomed a proposal to give workers more choice over employer benefit contributions Wednesday, asking human resources whether O’Malley’s Tavern would be available at launch.

“I’m not asking the company to cover the whole tab,” Pruitt said. “I’m willing to put in my share.”

Pruitt said he had maintained the account for fourteen years and could provide statements.

After HR explained that the proposal concerned eligible health, education and retirement benefits, Pruitt submitted a copy of the bar’s menu with “Employee Wellness” written across the top.

“This is where I go to stop thinking about work,” he said. “I don’t see why work shouldn’t contribute.”

Pruitt acknowledged that the legislation had not passed but said he hoped his employer would use the time to evaluate competitive offerings.

“O’Malley’s already matches dollar for dollar on karaoke night,” he said. “I’m just asking the company to keep up.”

Editorial photograph